Part Two: The Rituals of Retirement
A brief disclaimer: Just like no two lives are lived the same way, your retirement plans and trajectory, current or future, may not parallel my own. And yes, I am offering some advice in this series based on my own experience and it is purely formative – free to take or leave. What I will say with some certainty is that for those of us who have voluntarily retired, these themes of rites, rituals, and routines are referenced frequently as important keys to not only satisfaction, but an abundance of joy in The Precious Days.
Part Two: The Rituals of Retirement
As I shared in the first part of this 3 part series, my retirement “rite of passage” was characterized by separation, transition, and a final separation that has enabled me to move to the present. For me, this really feels like a time of transformation.
“Life transitions demand that we change more than our roles or outer activities. They demand that we change from the inside out. With retirement, this shift happens when the obvious roles and responsibilities fall away, the structure of our days dissolves, and the people who formed our teams and work families go on without us.”
I have come to think of this period of my life as sacred. I am midway through the 7th decade of my life, and at 65 I am so grateful for every day. One of the ways to show gratitude and honor this part of my life has been to create rituals to celebrate not only seasonal changes or calendar milestones, but also to acknowledge what I am blessed by every day. These rituals serve a spiritual dimension in retirement that I felt was lacking when my life was consumed by the work world. During my career in education, I felt I didn’t have time to care for myself in a spiritual way. I felt guilty if I wasn’t focused on education as a professional. During the week I rushed off to work every day, and when I came home I was tired. On weekends I ran errands and got “caught up” on household chores, and yes, more work. Like many of you, I spent decades doing that, day in and day out. I envied people who had daily yoga or meditation sessions, a writing practice, or read books for enjoyment. I just couldn’t do it.
As I discussed in my last blog, it took me a while to feel truly “released” from my professional work self. I started by noticing the things in my life that brought me joy. Reading, writing, stretching, connecting with people I care about, relaxing with a hot drink or a glass of wine, gazing out the window, wandering through our gardens in the spring and summer, time at the beach, fall picnics, and even a winter walk, bundled up against the cold all became true pleasures of The Precious Days.
This past winter and early spring, I learned from reading May Sarton’s numerous journals that when we "sacramentalize the ordinary" each day or our life, a form of ritual, we can live each day more deeply and purposefully. This is a process of moving from noticing to reflecting on the kinds of things that fill me up, unlike the way my former life had often left me feeling depleted. These kinds of things that filled me up became the foundation of my retirement rituals:
solitude;
growing things and watching and tending their progress;
nurturing as well as showing gratitude for my relationships with others;
listening to music that soothes or inspires;
reading the ideas of others and recording their impact in my Commonplace Book;
stillness and movement in various forms;
and relaxing…finally!
As some deeper noticings and spontaneous or repeated actions took on greater significance, they became my rituals. Actually, several of my present rituals started out as routines as I reorganized my life. It is meaning, intention, and a conscious mindset that turns a routine into a ritual. Some rituals will endure and some may no longer serve a purpose. If I end up feeling the experience was a bit empty or it feels like a chore, then I know it’s time to retire a ritual and create something new.
My current rituals in The Precious Days of retirement are done in solitude and gratitude. I’m aware that I’m taking a bit of a risk sharing a few of my own rituals that I’ve created in this phase of retirement. Please be gentle and open in your thinking about them, just as you will need a similar mindset for creating your own. Rituals are very personal. They are generative, changing and evolving over time, since their major purpose is to feed your soul. That may already sound a bit cringe to you, right? Because rituals bring greater consciousness of the self, you can end up feeling a bit “self-conscious” about them. So I don’t often share them with anyone other than my husband. Imagine the awkwardness in texting a friend to share how your day went:
Friend: I made a potato salad and my mom came over for lunch. How about you?
Me (if I were sharing rituals): Oh, I had a spiritual epiphany when I saw
my first wild spring violet and ran inside to write a haiku.
Me (what I’d actually say): I love potato salad. I should make some, too. How’s your mom?
See what I mean? Your own rituals can be formative and transformative, but they also may be very private practices for you.
Below are some examples of my retirement rituals:
The Slow Morning: After decades of trying to beat the clock every morning, this is my favorite ritual. I can usually observe this each day, unless I have an early appointment. After the first part of my morning routine, I begin this ritual by setting an intention. I make pour-over coffee most mornings because it’s slower. In the colder months, I take my coffee into the living room where I can sit and gaze out the window. No TV, no radio. This time of year, I bring my coffee outside. I think about my day and what I want to give my attention to. I don’t rush, I just sit and try to appreciate the stillness or the birdsong. When I’m ready, I continue my morning routine and other rituals that are part of my slow morning.
Morning Pages: After my morning routine, I make a second cup of coffee and head to my writing desk for Morning Pages. I love the ritual of lighting a candle, choosing a writing playlist on Spotify, and then settling in to write my three pages. I have been doing Morning Pages for almost 3 years and have never missed a day.
Poetry Time: Reading and/or writing a poem honors the dynamic intersection of my past, present, and future self. If I have been inspired or moved by the natural world, I will write a haiku. Drafts of poems go into my Poetry Notebook. I keep my poetry books in a little yellow trolley right next to my yellow writing desk, which sits in front of a window overlooking the front yard.
Reading to Learn: This winter I started the ritual of selecting some rich, engaging non-fiction to read every morning after Morning Pages. I read about women and aging, health, Buddhism, history, anything that expands my consciousness, worldview, and knowledge base. I tab anything I find interesting and write down quotes, analyses, related ideas, etc. in my Commonplace Book.
The Solitary Walk: I love walking alone on the various routes I have mapped out in the neighborhoods of my community. These solitary walks are a time for contemplation, problem solving, creative thinking, and grounding myself with each step.
Relaxing with My Husband (Formerly The Friday Martini Ritual): My husband and I always find some time during the late afternoon or early evening to just relax together, to talk and laugh, to dream and plan, and to just be together. When I worked, we used Friday’s to have a martini to “unwind” and sit by the fire (inside during the cold months, and outside during the warm ones). Now that I am retired, I don’t really feel the need to “unwind,” but I do still love our special time, and the occasional martini.
Choose One: During my slow morning, I choose a meditation practice from an app, a yoga session (Chair Yoga is my favorite right now), or the Tarot Cards. I choose based on whatever I feel responds to a deep need. I try to do this a few times a week.
Designing and Creating Outdoor Sanctuaries: Each spring my husband and I look forward to planning something that will enhance our backyard as a spiritual refuge. This year we have added a tea and kitchen herb garden, watched over by a beautiful sculpture of Lakshmi. One of my favorite outdoor rituals is sitting on my bench by the meditation garden and bird bath fountain, appreciating the warmth, the sound of the wind chimes, the birdsong, and the abundance of our summer gardens.
“At Least Three Things” Evening Reflection: Before going to sleep, I reflect on three things I noticed in my day that were beautiful, three things I am grateful for, and one thing that would make tomorrow special (then I always know there is something I’ll go to sleep looking forward to). I used to write these in a nighttime journal, but it started to feel like a chore. Thinking about them is a more peaceful ritual.
Practicing Focus and Purpose: This is a critical ritual for me, and it is so hard. I tend to jump from one thing to another in the span of seconds. Trying to ground myself and complete a task because it has a clear purpose is kind of a meditation for me. I have to do this with strong intention and complete mindfulness. I will most likely need to practice this for the rest of my life (just ask my husband).
Rituals for Celebrations and Seasons: Solstice Fires; Seasonal Date Nights with special drinks, food, and movies; New Year’s Eve “Burning of the Past”; and seasonally saging the house. Most of these are new since retirement, so I think of these occasions as rituals because of their purpose and meaning.
“I’m retiring the past. I’m retiring for the future. I’m practicing presence. I’m reinventing age.”
The rituals I have adopted in The Precious Days of retirement are done mindfully. They center me and contribute to a feeling of greater purpose in my day-to-day life. I would love to hear about any of the rituals you are willing to share in the Comments. Remember to check your spam folder if you are a subscriber who is not receiving The Precious Days in your inbox. If you are not a subscriber yet, you can become one by clicking the button below. Enjoy your weekend rituals, readers. Part 3 of the series will be out next week: Retirement Routines.
